Lately I have been thinking about these past 5 months for me. Basically 2016 as a whole for me thus far seeing how we're almost halfway through the year... It's not been easy. I mean, life isn't ever easy. But, 2016 has been a real test for me. To me its been a test of my faith and testimony.
Sometimes Heavenly Father has a funny sense of humor and you like to think your life is going the way you thought it would and then boom, it seems to all come crashing down. He's like sorry, I've got a better plan for you. I promise you, he's right. I didn't realize it at first though.
I was struggling with a lot of things, and I thought that I could handle what was going on in my life on my own. I thought I can do it. It will get better. But, it was around the end of March that I decided to really let go of my pride and wanted to really figure a lot of things out. I was at my lowest point. Lowest I think I have ever been. I wasn't happy. I was lost. I put on a face that I was happy, but really, I was just going through the motions.
A lot of times when we go through something we think, no one understands. Surprise!!! Someone does. That's our Savior. I have always known that but sometimes when you're going through a lot of things, you tend to think you're all alone. But you aren't.
Christ suffered for you. He died for you. HE felt every pain you have felt. He knows that this mortality is hard. He knows that boys will break your heart, he knows what that feels like. He knows what it feels like to step on the scale and not see what you want. He knows what it feels like when you fail your test, even though you studied so hard. He knows what it feels like when you don't have many friends. He knows what it feels like to not get that date from the boy you've been talking to. He KNOWS and has felt it ALL. He knows you're trying. When you feel he is the furthest away from you in life, that is when he is the closest. That is when you need to be closest to him.
Last week I had the opportunity to feel something. To experience something that I think I have never ever experienced or felt before. It was testimony building experience. I felt the love my Savior has for me and for everyone else in a way I had never felt it. I have always known my Heavenly Father and Savior loved me, but things were happening in my life that had led me to think that I was alone. That things are really hard and I can't do it. But it wasn't until that moment that I felt that he loved me. I felt like he was there hugging me, holding me as I cried and knew what I was feeling. He knew that I had my heart broken, he knew I was hating my body, he knew that I was struggling with developing a better relationship with things in my life. He knew I was trying. Not only did I feel the love he had for me, but I felt the love he has for YOU. Yes, you. Even if I don't know you, I know Christ loves you.
Heavenly Father knows that this mortality is hard. But, he knows you're trying. There is nothing you or I could do that could make him love us any less. How amazing is that?? He knows you're going through a lot. Whatever you're struggling with right now he knows and understands. When you cry at night, maybe because you feel so alone, he weeps with you. He loves you with unconditional amount of love that I cannot even fathom sometimes. I want you to know that and never forget it.
When you are standing there in the mirror nipping and tucking at your body, hating it, remember that you are a divine daughter or son of God. There is not a certain size you need to be that will make him love you more, he already does. He created you the way you are. He has a plan for you. You have divine DNA.
Life gets hard sometimes. Really really hard. Sometimes we feel that we can't do things. Or we are alone but I want you to know what I have learned. You are never alone. I hope what you take from this is that you are loved. You are special. Your Heavenly Father loves you. He is so proud of you. He is always cheering you on. When you feel weak, pray. When you feel sad, pray. Go to him and he will comfort you. You're never alone.
