2016: Thank You

You are probably thinking the last thing I should be saying to this year is, thank you. But... I really should be.

2016 was the best year for me. It was my year! Maybe it was your year too! However you feel about 2016, I feel that it was the year I truly became myself and decided not to change for anyone but me. I felt that I should reflect on this year and all that I've learned from it and maybe- just maybe- it may cause you to reflect as well, or even learn something from what I have to share.

At the beginning of the year I was stoked on life, I had everything figured out (or so I thought). I thought, "cool, this is gonna be the best year ever! I have so many things planned out and its MY plan."

Then the year started coming along and plans changed. All those plans went in the trash and I was a mess. I was not myself. I thought my world was ending. I thought, "this year sucks", "2016 is the worst", "I cant believe I said this was going to be my year." (I mean, sure, I still say that from time to time, who doesn't?)

But, I was not myself. I was a different person and I didn't realize that right away! I was grumpy, unhappy, self shaming, and changing for others so they would like me more.

2016 continued to pull the rug out from underneath me. There were a lot of tears shed looking back, but there were smiles too.

In all honesty, I hit rock bottom at one point. I had such a skewed view of myself and of how people viewed me. I didn't realize my full potential. I thought I didn't have any potential. I went through more personal stuff that I thought I'd ever go through. I had my trials this year... boy did I have them. Now, they were probably small compared to others, but they were my trials. They were a test of my faith. I got pushed down a lot, but I got back up every time. But, even though I got back up, I had to realize that I still wasn't okay. I still kept feeling like I was failing. I couldn't feel anything. No happiness, sadness or anger. Nothing.

So, I decided enough was enough. I needed to change- I wasn't myself. I was not happy and I wanted to be happy. So I did. I got help. Help from a professional and help from my Heavenly Father and this gospel. I started to do things for myself- not because I wanted to make others happy but because I wanted to be happy.

I believe with my whole heart and soul that we have a loving, caring and trusting Heavenly Father, who created the Heavens and the Earth but also created you and me. I believe he created a plan for you and me, each individually fitted for us, for what we will go through in life. A plan that is so beautiful, wonderful and happy, that sometimes we take it for granted and forget.

Something we also tend to forget when something tough is happening, is, that we are loved. That we have someone who loves us beyond our comprehension, and someone who died for us, so that we may not be alone when we go through tough things, even when we feel like we are.

Sometimes when life pulls the rug out from underneath us, when Heavenly Father needs to remind us that he has a better plan for us, you think that the world is out to get you.

BUT ITS NOT. 

Life happens. Things change. People change. I am so glad that things happened to me the way they did. That I had the rug pulled out from underneath me so many times, even though at one point I just wanted to lay there and not get up. I'm so grateful for all that 2016 has thrown at me personally because, if I stuck with my plan or with everything I thought was okay (the way people treated me, the way I treated myself, ect.), I don't think I would be the person I am today.

Heavenly Father knows whats best for us. Timing is everything. Sometimes thats the worst part about it. Time. It's a real test of faith. But I have faith in my Heavenly Father's plan for me. I know that if I'm doing what's right, it will happen. It's all in his timing. 

You may be thinking, "okay but there were worst things that happened in 2016 then what you went through." You're right! But for me, those things were hard. This year is the year I really changed. If you met me at the beginning of 2016 and then compared it to who I am now. I'm not the same person I was and I am so grateful for that. I am more myself than I thought I could ever be.

But when all is said and done, I've learned a lot from this year. I know who I am. I know that God has a plan for me. That timing is everything. That you will have good times and bad times through out any year.  People come and go in your life. Sometimes people hurt you. Sometimes people hurt you so much that you have a hard time trusting others. Sometimes you may have to forgive others, even when you don't want to. But, don't forget to forgive yourself. Sometimes when people hurt us so bad, we build walls up. We become defensive and sensitive to things that may trigger old habits or feelings. Whatever it may be that you are struggling with, be patient with yourself. Be patient with others, who may be in your life now, that may not fully understand your past. They are trying to understand you better. It's okay to be vulnerable and its okay to be honest. It's okay to have people leave. You deserve the best that this life has to offer! Don't sell yourself short. Your heart will break, It will hurt, but like I said above, I believe, Heavenly Father has a plan. That sometimes, this is part of his plan, and you may need to learn things, to be tested and become stronger. Sometimes you will have to get help and realize that you're not okay. People aren't out to get you. Sometimes life can just be plain annoying.

But life can also be so beautiful. 

I've discovered what I truly want to do with my education/career path. I've discovered my love and passion for science and the human body. I've realized that I am beautiful, that I am more than just a number on a scale, that it doesn't matter if I didn't go exercise today, its okay to eat that cookie... or two... or three cookies. That it doesn't matter if people don't like you, but it matters that you're kind, loving and respectful. I've realized that your happiness depends on yourself. It doesn't matter what others think of you. It only matters what you think of yourself and what your Heavenly Father thinks of you.

There is a promise of good things to come. There is help. There is happiness ahead no matter what. Its almost a new year! Christ is the "light at the end of the tunnel." Hold on. Keep trying. He will help you find peace, find happiness through those struggling times. He loves you and wants you to be happy. He doesn't see you as the mistakes you've made. He see's you as who you really are and he never loses sight of our eternal potential even when we do.

For every end, there is a new beginning. Some would say, life is like a book, and a new chapter is beginning in our lives as this year is ending. Some chapters and pages may have more tears than others, they may have rips and crinkles. But, that's the beauty of the end of a year, we reflect, and then we set goals. My goals are to make my pages filled with more joy than sadness, to have less ripped out pages and more pages that stay in. My goal is to be more patient, kind and loving not only to myself but to others. Build each other up, instead of tearing each other down. Say thank you more, smile and as my favorite prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley says, "Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and smile on your face but with great purpose in heart, accentuate the positive. Life is to be enjoyed not just endured."

So, 2016, thank you for everything. I'm ready for the new year.

FALL SEMESTER

Seeing how I'm home for Christmas break and I haven't posted much about school I thought I should probably write about this past semester.

First and foremost- holy cow- how did Fall Semester fly by so quickly?!?! It was so much fun but I feel like it all happened in a blink of an eye.

It was filled with:

-Road trips to Utah (lots of them)
-Puppy Barn
-Way too much Diet Coke
-Long days at the library
-Binge watching of Netflix series (Parks and Rec... Stranger Things...)
-Costco Trip
-David Archuleta Christmas Concert
-Thanksgiving break
-Football and Basketball games

and lots and lots of laughing.

I think my favorite thing about this past semester was one of my many road trips with Katie down to Utah where we hung out in Provo for friday night + Saturday and then drove up to see Jordan and Andrew and I took their anniversary pictures. I love Katie and our road trips together but I think that was my favorite because we spent it at puppy barn, saw my brotha from another motha Kohlmann, shopped, ate good food, laughed a lot and made memories with good friends. I actually just love love love Utah.

Since spring semester/summer/beginning of this semester, I've been really debating on what I wanna do with my major/future career and I finally figured it out! Well, Katie actually inspired me last semester, and I did some more research this semester on how to get it done...but... I want to become a registered dietitian (yay!!!!) but I can't do that with my bachelors degree from byu-i so I've been doing some research and am going to apply to University of Utah's Masters Program in Nutrition and I'm so so so excited! (but don't worry I still don't like the Utes) So, after I'm done at BYU-I I'll be living there in Utah for a year to obtain residency, complete my internship for BYUI and then apply to graduate school.

I also changed my major this semester to Public Health-- its easier to complete my pre-reqs with that major and everything easily transferred over! I'm super excited.

This past semester was all around really good. I made a lot of new friends, carved lots of pumpkins, made gingerbread houses, had many sleepovers with Katie, convinced Katie to move in with me next semester, probably ate our weight in peanut butter m&m's (one time we bought the party size bag and ate it the whole weekend once when we went to Utah), drank lots of diet coke (or dr.pepper for katie) with lime, or cherry limeades from sonic with Meredith, and lots of studying.

I learned a lot from this past semester and I cannot wait for winter semester! I love this time of year even though I HATE how cold Rexburg gets!! One thing I gained was a greater testimony for one of God's greatest creations- our bodies! I retook an anatomy class because I wanted to boost my GPA and not have a C for that class because its one of the pre-reqs for Grad School and my teacher, incorporated the Gospel into each lecture and it was amazing! My testimony and gratitude for his creation increased. I love this gospel and am so grateful for the opportunity I have to learn more about the human body.

I'm so excited for winter semester! Katie and I will be rooming together, its my birthday month, its the start of a new year, i'm taking exciting classes and i'm excited for all the memories that I will make!

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Utah Mountains oh my!!!

First ever BYU football game!!! so fun AND THEY WON! Go Cougs!

God's Love

I was asked to give a talk today in Church a couple of weeks ago that I felt like I should share on my blog, also, I haven't posted on here since August. 

My talk was based on one of the conference talks from this past October 2016 General Conference. For those of you who don't know, every 6 months, the LDS church has a conference, where living Prophets and Apostles of my church give uplifting and spiritual talks on whatever they feel inspired to speak on. You can find them here: general conference 

 I had a hard time deciding on the one I wanted to speak on, because I had a favorite from each session. But, as I was pondering about it and praying about I decided to speak on Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk, from the Saturday Afternoon Session entitled “Abide in My Love.”

This talk was probably one of top favorites. I felt the spirit strongly and I hope and pray that the spirit can be with me today as I convey my thoughts and feelings towards you all about it.

Before I being, I want to compare two definitions of “love”. One from google and the other from lds.org.

When I googled the definition of love, it said, “an intense feeling of deep affection.” With synonyms such as, “tenderness, warmth, compassion, care, friendship, charity, goodwill, and unselfishness.”

lds.orgs definition said “Love is a feeling of deep devotion, concern and affection. The greatest example of God’s love for His children is found in the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ. Love for God and fellow men is a characteristic of disciples of Jesus Christ.”

Those two definitions of love are quite similar. I thought the synonyms that google used, “tenderness, warmth, compassion, care, friendship, goodwill, and unselfishness” are all ways I would describe Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. But I also liked how the other definition said, the greatest example of God’s love for his Children is found in the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Combining the two are to me, a great definition of love. 

Elder Christofferson said “The Bible tell us that ‘God is love.’ He is the perfect embodiment of love, and we rely heavily on the constancy and universal reach of that love.”

Now, is that love the same love we defined earlier? What is God’s love? Did we define God’s love 100% combining the two definitions of love I found? Or have we not completely defined God’s love? How is he the perfect embodiment of love?

Elder Christofferson said that there are many ways to describe divine love. Often times you hear it described today, as “unconditional”. But where in the scriptures does unconditional appear? It doesn’t. Elder Christofferson says “His love is described in scripture as “great and wonderful love,” “perfect love,” “redeeming love,” and “everlasting love.” These are better terms because the word unconditional can convey mistaken impressions about divine love, such as, God tolerates and excuses anything we do because His love is unconditional, or God makes no demands upon us because His love is unconditional or all are saved in the heavenly kingdom of God because his love is conditional. God’s love is infinite and it will endure forever, but what it means for each of us depends on how we respond to his love.”

Now I want you to ask yourself, and think about these questions, what does it mean for each of you? How do you respond to His love? How do you feel God’s love for you?

Jesus said in John 15:9-10: “As the father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.”

So, to abide in his love, we just need to keep the commandments right? Yes, but there is more to it.

Elder Christofferson stated that, “To continue in and abide in the Saviors love, means to receive His grace and be perfected by it. To receive his grace, we must have faith in Jesus Christ and keep his commandments, including repenting of our sins, being baptized for the remission of sins, receiving the Holy Ghost and continuing in the path of obedience.”

God will ALWAYS love us. But, he cannot save us in our sins but he will and can save us FROM our sins.

Alma 11:37 states, “And I say unto you again that he cannot save them in their sins; for I cannot deny his word, and he hath said that no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore, how can ye be saved, except ye inherit the kingdom of heaven? Therefore, ye cannot be saved in your sins.”

How can we be saved, when we sin? Or more or less, How does he save us FROM our sins?

Moses 6:57 says, “Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence.”

Elder Christofferson says that, “we learn that the intent of Christ’s suffering- the ULTIMATE manifestation of His love- was to bring about the bowels of mercy, which overpowereth justice, and bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance.” 

God’s love is a precious gift that we must not take for granted. Elder Christofferson states, “His

agony in Gethsemane and on the cross was greater than any mortal could bear. Jesus atoned for

our sins and redeemed us from death, both physical and spiritual, causing himself, “even God the

greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and

spirit- and would that He might not drink the bitter cup and shrink.” He endured the agony until

justice was satisfied to the very last drop. He did this to redeem you and me.”

Repentance is HIS gift to us. He died for us so that we may have the gift of the atonement where we can become clean again. Where we are able to fully repent, and become clean and be able to be in his presence. I, personally, feel God’s love the most, when I use the atonement fully and repent of my sins with a sincere heart. I cannot fathom or wrap my head around how much God loves me sometimes. I cannot fathom the pain he went through in Gethsemane or on the cross. He died for me, he died for you. So that we can be clean again. So that we may not feel so alone when times of despair come, or when we sin. So that we may feel his love and warmth, wrapping around us when we repent. He knows what it feels like, for he felt all of the sins, of the whole world.

Elder Bednar once said, in his talk, “The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality”, “There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first. You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, ‘No one understands. No one knows.’ No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His army of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, succor- literally run to us- and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying upon only our own power.”

I want to just reiterate what he said, “he can reach out, touch, succor- literally run to us- and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be.” I find comfort in that. I don’t know where I’d be without my Savior, who gave me and you, the gift of repentance so that we may feel his love. So that we may become clean again.

We all have divine potential. We all are capable of so much more even if we may be content with

what we have done so far in our lives. We don’t even know what God has in store for us but I

know that if we abide in his love, accept his will, his correction when needed, we can experience

and love and serve God and others and receive blessings that he has in store for us.

By doing these things, and abiding in His love, it will enable us to realize our full potential, and to become even as He is. Which is what he wants for us!

Elder Christofferson said, “To abide in his love in this aspect we must fully submit to His will. That means, accepting His correction when needed. It means to love and serve one another as Jesus has loved and served us. It means to learn “to abide the law of a celestial kingdom.” For Him to be able to make of us what we can become, our Heavenly Father pleads with us to yield “to the enticing’s of the Holy Spirit, and put off the natural man and become a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and become as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

I can say standing here in front of you all, that by willingly being obedient and using the atonement and fully submitting to His will. I can be happier. I know who I am. I know why I am here. I know that my Heavenly Father has a better plan for me, better than the plan I thought I had for me. I know that it’s all in the Lords timing. That things happen in our life that we may think in the moment, that aren’t good, ARE GOOD. We have the Lord on our side. Cheering us on. 

In 3 Nephi 9:14 it says, “Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal

life. Behold mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I

receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.”

He suffered for us on the cross so that when we sin, we are able to repent and be forgiven of those sins that caused us pain. He knows and perfectly understands. His love is great and infinite. It will endure forever, but we must actively be obedient, by keeping the commandments, by repenting of our sins and be saved from our sins. We must love others as God loves us.

I know that when we abide in God’s love, he will abide with us. We will always triumph. We cannot fail and he does not want us to fail.

I know that this gospel is true. I know that God’s love is real and its infinite and will endure forever. But it will mean differently for each of us, how we respond to his love. I know that if we respond by keeping his commandments, coming unto him and repenting of our sins, we will feel his presence in our lives. We will feel his love and comfort guiding us and directing us. I know that the atonement is a precious gift and it came to us at a cost that none of us could ever repay. But as Elder Christofferson says at the end of his talk, “Will you not love him who first loved you? Then keep his commandments. Will you not be a friend to Him who laid down His life for his friends? Then keep his commandments. Will you not abide in His love and receive all that He graciously offers you? Then keep his commandments.”

I am eternally grateful for the gospel. I’m grateful for the opportunity I have and you each have to be forgiven when we repent. I’m grateful for the scriptures and the gospel in my life. I truly do not know where I would be without it. I am grateful for this ward, and for each of you being an example to me. I know without a doubt in my mind, that God is mindful of you. That he loves you. Whatever you may be going through right now in life, whether big or small, he understands. He knows and wants you to know, that he will help you. He has plans for each and every one of one us that is better than we could ever imagine. He knows you. He understands you. He hears you. I know that without a doubt in my mind. I know that there will be times where we want to go with the natural man, forget what the Lord has planned for us, but I know that when we keep the commandments, repent, love and serve others as we would want to. We will abide in love. We will be happier and things will be better. I’m grateful for the chance we have to listen to conference and for the guidance it brings us. I know that Thomas S. Monson is our prophet and is here on this earth to lead and guide us. I know that these things and more are true, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.