2016: Thank You

You are probably thinking the last thing I should be saying to this year is, thank you. But... I really should be.

2016 was the best year for me. It was my year! Maybe it was your year too! However you feel about 2016, I feel that it was the year I truly became myself and decided not to change for anyone but me. I felt that I should reflect on this year and all that I've learned from it and maybe- just maybe- it may cause you to reflect as well, or even learn something from what I have to share.

At the beginning of the year I was stoked on life, I had everything figured out (or so I thought). I thought, "cool, this is gonna be the best year ever! I have so many things planned out and its MY plan."

Then the year started coming along and plans changed. All those plans went in the trash and I was a mess. I was not myself. I thought my world was ending. I thought, "this year sucks", "2016 is the worst", "I cant believe I said this was going to be my year." (I mean, sure, I still say that from time to time, who doesn't?)

But, I was not myself. I was a different person and I didn't realize that right away! I was grumpy, unhappy, self shaming, and changing for others so they would like me more.

2016 continued to pull the rug out from underneath me. There were a lot of tears shed looking back, but there were smiles too.

In all honesty, I hit rock bottom at one point. I had such a skewed view of myself and of how people viewed me. I didn't realize my full potential. I thought I didn't have any potential. I went through more personal stuff that I thought I'd ever go through. I had my trials this year... boy did I have them. Now, they were probably small compared to others, but they were my trials. They were a test of my faith. I got pushed down a lot, but I got back up every time. But, even though I got back up, I had to realize that I still wasn't okay. I still kept feeling like I was failing. I couldn't feel anything. No happiness, sadness or anger. Nothing.

So, I decided enough was enough. I needed to change- I wasn't myself. I was not happy and I wanted to be happy. So I did. I got help. Help from a professional and help from my Heavenly Father and this gospel. I started to do things for myself- not because I wanted to make others happy but because I wanted to be happy.

I believe with my whole heart and soul that we have a loving, caring and trusting Heavenly Father, who created the Heavens and the Earth but also created you and me. I believe he created a plan for you and me, each individually fitted for us, for what we will go through in life. A plan that is so beautiful, wonderful and happy, that sometimes we take it for granted and forget.

Something we also tend to forget when something tough is happening, is, that we are loved. That we have someone who loves us beyond our comprehension, and someone who died for us, so that we may not be alone when we go through tough things, even when we feel like we are.

Sometimes when life pulls the rug out from underneath us, when Heavenly Father needs to remind us that he has a better plan for us, you think that the world is out to get you.

BUT ITS NOT. 

Life happens. Things change. People change. I am so glad that things happened to me the way they did. That I had the rug pulled out from underneath me so many times, even though at one point I just wanted to lay there and not get up. I'm so grateful for all that 2016 has thrown at me personally because, if I stuck with my plan or with everything I thought was okay (the way people treated me, the way I treated myself, ect.), I don't think I would be the person I am today.

Heavenly Father knows whats best for us. Timing is everything. Sometimes thats the worst part about it. Time. It's a real test of faith. But I have faith in my Heavenly Father's plan for me. I know that if I'm doing what's right, it will happen. It's all in his timing. 

You may be thinking, "okay but there were worst things that happened in 2016 then what you went through." You're right! But for me, those things were hard. This year is the year I really changed. If you met me at the beginning of 2016 and then compared it to who I am now. I'm not the same person I was and I am so grateful for that. I am more myself than I thought I could ever be.

But when all is said and done, I've learned a lot from this year. I know who I am. I know that God has a plan for me. That timing is everything. That you will have good times and bad times through out any year.  People come and go in your life. Sometimes people hurt you. Sometimes people hurt you so much that you have a hard time trusting others. Sometimes you may have to forgive others, even when you don't want to. But, don't forget to forgive yourself. Sometimes when people hurt us so bad, we build walls up. We become defensive and sensitive to things that may trigger old habits or feelings. Whatever it may be that you are struggling with, be patient with yourself. Be patient with others, who may be in your life now, that may not fully understand your past. They are trying to understand you better. It's okay to be vulnerable and its okay to be honest. It's okay to have people leave. You deserve the best that this life has to offer! Don't sell yourself short. Your heart will break, It will hurt, but like I said above, I believe, Heavenly Father has a plan. That sometimes, this is part of his plan, and you may need to learn things, to be tested and become stronger. Sometimes you will have to get help and realize that you're not okay. People aren't out to get you. Sometimes life can just be plain annoying.

But life can also be so beautiful. 

I've discovered what I truly want to do with my education/career path. I've discovered my love and passion for science and the human body. I've realized that I am beautiful, that I am more than just a number on a scale, that it doesn't matter if I didn't go exercise today, its okay to eat that cookie... or two... or three cookies. That it doesn't matter if people don't like you, but it matters that you're kind, loving and respectful. I've realized that your happiness depends on yourself. It doesn't matter what others think of you. It only matters what you think of yourself and what your Heavenly Father thinks of you.

There is a promise of good things to come. There is help. There is happiness ahead no matter what. Its almost a new year! Christ is the "light at the end of the tunnel." Hold on. Keep trying. He will help you find peace, find happiness through those struggling times. He loves you and wants you to be happy. He doesn't see you as the mistakes you've made. He see's you as who you really are and he never loses sight of our eternal potential even when we do.

For every end, there is a new beginning. Some would say, life is like a book, and a new chapter is beginning in our lives as this year is ending. Some chapters and pages may have more tears than others, they may have rips and crinkles. But, that's the beauty of the end of a year, we reflect, and then we set goals. My goals are to make my pages filled with more joy than sadness, to have less ripped out pages and more pages that stay in. My goal is to be more patient, kind and loving not only to myself but to others. Build each other up, instead of tearing each other down. Say thank you more, smile and as my favorite prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley says, "Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and smile on your face but with great purpose in heart, accentuate the positive. Life is to be enjoyed not just endured."

So, 2016, thank you for everything. I'm ready for the new year.